Look, we all were kids, some of us still are albeit adult children or so called “man-babies.” Usually when you grow up your taste buds change and you learn to like new foods and are more willing to try new foods, or at least that’s how you’re suppose to be. A lot of, myself included, are recovering picky eaters. Now are there still things I still find repulsive? Absolutely. Ranch, mayo, lettuce, kale, big time yucks for yours truly. When I was younger anything green was basically a guaranteed no. Now that I have “grown up” so to speak, I have worked on expanding my horizon in the culinary realm. Vegetables are almost always involved with each meal to try and help keep me honest, though leafy greens still remain an issue.
This leads me to Tuesday’s installment of The Drew Show. On Tuesdays we like to put all of our food related topics on this day to call it a proper “Chewsday.” This Tuesday, Drew, myself, and Jess talked about the foods were picky about while asking listeners if they are the picky eaters in their family. You can hear the whole show in the link below but there was a lot feedback from picky eaters to people suffering from other picky eaters. So with food still on my mind and a promise to push out a minimum of 52 blogs this year (I know I’m behind I’m trying okay) I felt it was only fitting to bust out my old reliable.
A good ol’ fashioned tier list! But not just any tier list, a Picky Kid Tier List! The end all be all of everything that picky kids either love to eat, or hate to eat. For this tier, I have put it into 5 distinct tiers. They are as followed:
Gourmet Food Chef’s Kiss
Always Hits
Damn Dependable
Officially Mid
Goofy Behavior
WTF Is This
These five tiers will cover the various foods and tendencies that picky eaters live by. So with that said, lets dig in:
As we always do we start from the bottom up so lets start.
WTF Is This:
- Pizza With The Cheese Peeled Off: Just don’t eat pizza. Funny enough I know a guy who does this. When he was a kid got crazy sick eating too much cheese pizza, ever since he refuses to eat the cheese on pizza. Toppings are fine, but that pesky cheese just has to go and ruin it. (Kevin Kushner it’s all love G).
- Sticking Scrambled Eggs In Your Pocket: As internet memes go “Ricky when I catch you Ricky, when I catch you, Ricky when I catch you.” If I ever see a grown adult bust out pocket eggs I’m calling the police because there is NO WAY you haven’t done something illegal. Scary enough that might be more disturbing than the actual crime, Hell that might be an actual crime. This isn’t so much goofy behavior as it is insane. Cold eggs are bad enough, now you want linty pocket eggs?? I can trust you as far as I can throw you and that ain’t far!
Now that we got that out of the way it’s time for the next tier. This tier I feel is something all kids/picky eaters have done at one point in their lives with no reason as to why they did it.
Goofy Behavior:
- Slipping Pizza Crust Into The Couch: Now it may not be exactly a pizza crust, but we all at some point have slipped some food in between couch cushions. Much like the Seinfeld scene where Jerry continuously slips his girlfriends mutton into the couch, we have all done the same at one point or another. Whether it’s mutton, pizza crust, candy, candy wrappers, if we eat the couch has also been eating.
- Peeling The Casing Off A Corndog: Now this is some grade A picky behavior. Nothing screams picky eater like either A. Eating strictly the hotdog on a stick or B. Eating strictly the breading around the hotdog. Both are great with ketchup (A picky kid’s trusty condiment) and both options will make parents angry.
- Ants On A Log: This gives me “Almond Mom” Vibes (sorry Jess). If you were the kids who were given ants on a log growing up your “snacks” must have sucked. Peanut butter can only do so much, but celery and raisins is just a diabolical “treat” to give someone. Like just do apple slices with peanut butter, it’s easier to prepare and way and I mean WAAAAY better. Imagine you go over to a buddies house and as a snack they hand you this? You’re immediately thinking of excuses to rush how for an actual snack like pizza rolls or bagel bites like a respectable picky eater.
Goofy behavior and picky eating go hand in hand, but now it’s time we start getting into some proper picky meals. But for that we need to go over the most basic of all picky meals. The Mid.
Officially Mid:
- Buttered Noodles: A foundational picky eater meal. It is simple yet effective. Butter plus noodles. It will fill you up while not offending anyone. Incredibly easy to make and honestly a building block to the picky eater’s diet. It’s not gonna wow anyone but it’s fundamental, like a bank shot in basketball.
- PB Toast: Much like Frieza, this isn’t even it’s final form. PB Toast is solid because it can be eaten at any point of the day. Need a quick breakfast? Boom PB Toast. Need an afternoon snack? Say less PB Toast. Though lacking, peanut butter toast is something most picky eaters won’t complain about.
With the mid out of the way we are finally getting to the good stuff. This next tier is where we not only get good eats, but also the building blocks of a picky eater’s diet. These are the meals we grew up with, the meals we cooked once we got home from school or right before sports practice so you weren’t working out on an empty stomach.
Damn Dependable:
- Bagel With Butter: Have you ever had toast and asked “Man how could this get better?” The answer is simple, make that ish with a MF Bagel dawg. The bagel is the king of breakfast breads and makes butter somehow taste better than normal bread. A champion for breakfast before school, the buttered bagel always hits plus has variety with different bagel types.
- Rice Bowl: Whether it’s chicken and rice or beef and rice, this meal kicks ass always. Filling, healthy, and perfect for those sweet sweet gainz. This is a gym bro/gal’s introduction to meal prepping and you will learn to love and resent this all at once. With that said it is easily to most inoffensive post gym/work/school meal. Not a proper dinner but a filling meal nonetheless.
- Cheese Quesadilla: There has never been a time in my life where I haven’t always been down to slam a cheese quesadilla. possibly one of the fastest meals to make on this list, its as simple grabbing a handful of cheese and a tortilla (Mission Flour Tortilla if you want it at it’s most powerful and basic). Easy to make, always delicious, plus the fun of a potential cheese pull? The cheese quesadilla is always a good play and always hits the spot.
Though those are definitely dependable, they don’t have that oomph like this next tier. We are starting to get to the heavy hitters of picky eating.
Always Hits
- Leaving Crust On The Plate: Let me paint a picture for you. It’s a hot summer day in Fresno. You and your friends are swimming in the pool. Then all of a sudden, your mom or their parents bring come outside with paper plates with sandwiches with chips. You still wet from the pool, grab the sandwich with one of your chlorine hands and a handful of chips with the other. You throw those chips into the sandwich and make a banger sandwich. As you start slamming the sandwich you feel the pool calling your name again. You get to the end of the sandwich, the butt of sandwich if you will. “Why would I eat the worst part of the sandwich?” you ask yourself. And you’re absolutely right! Why would I waste my time on weakest part of the bread when I already had all the good stuff. You leave the crust like a wolf leaving the bones of a fresh kill and tell everyone to watch this cannonball. What a summer.
- PB&J: An all time talent. One of the greatest and most recognizable sandwiches in the game today. Not a day goes by when a PB&J does hit the spot. Easy to make, filling, and a perfect balance of flavors, there is no going wrong when deciding on the PB&J. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
- Blue Box Mac: A personal favorite, and in my opinion the best post school meal of all time. I can’t tell you how many times that blue banger of a box has gotten me through a long day of debauchery. Nostalgic, cheesy goodness in every bite is what every picky eater dreams of.
- Chicken Nuggies: Now this is where we start to separate from the pack. Though I feel it can be a little bit of cheating when it comes to bringing fast food/restaurant foods into this list, one can’t be a true picky eater without always having these in the arsenal. The first stage before their final evolution, the chicken nuggies are the go to fast food order. Always solid, shareable (you aren’t sharing you don’t like anyone else’s order), and customizable with the sauce choices. Chicken nuggies are what lead the Always Hit tier and are damn close to Chef’s Kiss if it wasn’t for the next few items.
Now we’re at the endgame. The top of the picky eater food pyramid. These are the cream of the crop and are treated as royalty.
Gourmet Meal, Chef’s Kiss:
- Bean Burrito: When it comes to playing it safe, always good, and filling look no further than the bean burrito. Though it can lead to a gassier afternoon/evening the bean burrito makes up for it flavor, is usually fairly cheap, and above all else damn delicious. Nothing quite like a bean and cheese burrito.
- Grilled Cheese: A king amongst men. The greatest sandwich in the picky eater game, and quite possibly the world Craig, THE WORLD. Easy to make, crispy, cheesy, affordable, and the perfect bite every time, the grilled cheese is timeless and is the best thing since sliced bread.
- Mozzarella Sticks: Quite possibly the best appetizer in the game and of all time. Maybe one of the greatest ideas in the culinary world. Deep fried cheese sticks, is there anything better? Cheese is a huge staple in the picky eater’s diet and this is quite possibly the best use of cheese. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Elliott, how can you have mozzarella sticks over a grilled cheese?” and my answer is simple. Because it’s an appetizer. Yes a grilled cheese is the best sandwich of all time, and I honestly think it’s in a league of its own. With that said what makes the mozzarella stick so perfect is that it is a bonus to the food you’re about to eat. It’s good with Italian food, it’s good with American restaurant foods, they’re good from the frozen aisle in the supermarket, they are good inside a sandwich, and they can carry their own by themselves. And my last point is this, is there a better cheese pull int the game than a fresh hot mozzarella stick? Paired with either marinara sauce or ranch, you can go wrong with this juggernaut. Plus it is a perfect appetizer to the number 1 picky eater food.
- Chicken Tenders/Fingers: I mean was there ever a doubt? Whenever you’re in a new restaurant, they’ll be there. Whenever you’re at your favorite restaurant, they’ll be there. Whenever you’re looking over a menu and telling yourself today’s finally the day I try something new only to chicken out at the last second, THEY’LL BE THERE. Perfection in every bite, better to dunk in sauce than the nuggies, and a feast fit for a picky king/queen the chicken finger (or tender whichever you prefer) is the pinnacle of picky eating. Nothing can compete with its overwhelming power. Sometimes the safest option is the best option, in that case look no further than the most common and dependable food item on any and all menus. The best part of the chicken finger, is that you could be at any type of restaurant and you’ll find it. Whether it be American, Mexican, Korean, Japanese, Chinese, French, Jamaican, wherever there is a restaurant, THEY WILL BE THERE. And they always will.
